It's fair to say that New Zealand bringing in bereavement leave for pregnancy loss has made waves around the world. I found myself converting my office into a studio last night for an interview with Australia's ABC News (above), and the story has also been shared in outlets including:

• The BBC
• The Guardian
• Huffington Post
• New York Times
• The Washington Post
• CNN
• USA Today
• CBC News Canada
• Channel News Asia
• Bangkok Post
• The Hindu
• RTÉ Ireland
• NZ Herald
• Te Ao Māori News
• TVNZ
• NewsHub

​There was a particularly lovely article in the Otago Daily Times today. Scroll halfway down this page to read it online. 

What's even more exciting is that our news seems to have sparked calls for other countries to update their employment legislation:

• Australia urged to follow New Zealand's example and offer paid leave after miscarriage, SBS News
• Australia should follow New Zealand's lead, Women's Agenda
• Does Canada need a bereavement leave for miscarriage, HR Reporter
• Why Ireland should follow New Zealand's lead, Her
• Will Ireland give paid leave for miscarriage? Irish Examiner
• Should the UK follow suit? Yahoo News

I'd love to know if anyone else has seen calls for change from other parts of the world. 

I packed my bag and drove towards the airport, not knowing if I was going to get on the plane.
 
It was Members’ Day in parliament’s House, and the Holidays (Bereavement Leave for Miscarriage) Amendment Bill was due to be read for the third and final time – if the affordable housing discussions, which were being conducted under urgency, wrapped up in time.
 
I was stopped at the lights when MP Ginny Andersen’s EA rang. The reading was going ahead!
 
One plane ride, one taxi drive and several coffees later, I found myself going through Parliament security.  
 
I went into The Beehive and temporarily exchanged my bags for a sticker and a lanyard before racing up two flights of stairs and being ushered into the House – a space that’s even more impressive in real life than it is on TV.
 
Ginny gave an impassioned speech about the Bill, which was sparked when I sent a letter to Clare Curran about the lack of clarity in the Holidays Act for people grieving pregnancy loss. Clare took up the cause and later Ginny drafted the Bill and submitted it to the infamous biscuit tin (the vessel that Members' Bills are drawn from). The Bill could have languished inside the biscuit tin indefinitely, but it was drawn and in the years since Ginny and others have worked hard on the Bill to ensure that people impacted by pregnancy loss can access bereavement leave. 

During yesterday's final reading the Bill received cross-party support. Labour, National, Green and Act MPs stood to share their personal experiences and explain what the Bill would mean for them and their constituents. Thanks to Parliament TV On Demand, you can watch the speeches online:

• Ginny Andersen (Labour)
• Barbara Kuriger (National)
• Marja Lubeck (Labour)
• Erica Stanford (National)
• Ibrahim Omer (Labour)
• Jan Logie (Green)
• Angela Roberts (Labour)
• Brook van Velden (ACT)
• Angie Warren-Clark (Labour)
• Scott Simpson (National)
• Anahila Kanongata'a-Suisuiki (Labour)
• Maureen Pugh (National)
• Terisa Ngobi (Labour)

 
It was heartening to hear so many people in support of the Bill, and I think it’s amazing that politicians are speaking about such private issues on such a public stage. Their actions will help break down some of the taboos around miscarriage and baby loss.
 
Several politicians from across the House mentioned Ginny’s great work in shepherding the Bill through the House and gaining cross-party support.
 
All speakers said the fateful words, “I commend this Bill to the House.” This means that there is just one more step – a formality – needed before the change to The Holidays Act becomes law: Royal assent.
 
Ginny’s EA whisked me away to the Labour Caucus room where, beneath portraits of past Labour PMs, I chatted with some of Ginny’s team. (The fast-paced banter and the beautiful surroundings made it all feel very ‘In The Thick Of It’.)
 
Ginny and her colleagues arrived and we enjoyed macaroons and sandwiches as we toasted making history!
 
The celebration was short-lived as Ginny had to return to work (MPs work until 10pm on Tuesdays and Wednesdays).
 
Ginny gave me a brief tour on the way out. I was introduced to the infamous biscuit tin that the Bill was drawn from, and I saw the billiards room and the glamorous Legislative Council Chamber.
 
Then all of a sudden – it was over. I booked myself into a hotel, head buzzing.
 
I’d like to say a huge congratulations to Ginny for her success with this Bill, and a huge thank you to Clare Curran who got the process started. Thank you also the Select Committee and everyone who made submissions on the Bill or helped in other ways.
 
Together, we’ve made a little bit of history!
 
More about the Bill

• Bereavement Leave an Overdue Change (The Spinoff)
• Letter to Clare Curran

 
More about miscarriage

• The Loneliness of Miscarriage (The Spinoff)

I'm so lucky to have been able to work with director Charlotte Wanhill and her amazing team to bring our myth-busting web series about miscarriage, Misconceptions, to the small screen. A new episode will be added to nzherald.co.nz each weekday until July 3.

Find the Misconceptions web series here.

It's likely that the Holidays (Bereavement Leave for Miscarriage) Amendment Bill will have its first reading next week. 

The current wording of the Holidays Act makes it ambiguous as to whether bereavement leave can be taken in the event of pregnancy loss. 

The Bill, which is being championed by Labour MP Ginny Andersen, would make it clear that the unplanned end of a pregnancy by miscarriage or still-birth constitutes grounds for bereavement leave for the pregnant person and their partner or spouse, and that the duration of the bereavement leave should be up to three days. 

The Bill came about as a result of a letter I wrote to Clare Curran about the ambiguity in the Act. 

If this change goes through (after the first reading it needs to get through two more readings and two committees before being put forward for Royal Assent) it will be a small change for employers, but a huge improvement for people bereaved by miscarriage. 

Miscarriage is still a taboo subject and this is reflected in how we talk about it (it is barely mentioned in pregnancy books) and in the standard of care that people who experience miscarriage receive (most do not receive the support of a midwife). 

I hope that this change will help people bereaved by miscarriage feel supported by society at what can be a very lonely and isolating time. 

I also hope that by talking more openly about miscarriage we can help remove some of the stigma from what is unfortunately a very common experience.  

​If you would like to show your support for the Bill, please add your name to the Change.org petition. 

More information

• Track the progress of the Bill. 
• Read the Guardian article about the Bill. 
• Read my Spinoff article about the Bill. 
• Read my Spinoff article about miscarriage care. 

If you or someone you love is going through miscarriage, you can find helpful resources on the Miscarriage Support website. 

Photo: Needpix.com.

Miscarriage isn't talked about a lot - particularly the details. What is it, what should you do when it's happening to you, and how do you cope afterwards? I've spent the past few months working on an article about miscarriage that shares five personal experiences (including the experiences of a dad), plus information from infertility and baby loss counsellor Megan Downer. A huge thank you to The Spinoff for publishing this story today - and to the people who agreed to be interviewed for the article. I hope I've done your stories justice.

Read The Loneliness of Miscarriage on The Spinoff.

In this post I'd like to share a bit more information about miscarriage - Megan's tips on dealing with grief, information about the different types of miscarriage, and links to places where you can get support.

Coping with grief after miscarriage
Tips from infertility and pregnancy loss counsellor Megan Downer.

1. Give yourself permission to grieve and process what has happened. Miscarriage is a significant loss which is often silent and unacknowledged by others, making it difficult to work through.  
2. There is no ‘right way’ to feel following a miscarriage. Each person’s experience of pregnancy loss and the circumstances surrounding it are different, so it is important to not put pressure on yourself to feel a certain way.
3. When you are ready, ceremony or ritual to acknowledge the loss of your baby can be comforting.
4. Many women who miscarry find support from those who have been through miscarriage. Some women find online chat groups helpful during this time, eg facebook.com/groups/miscarriagesupportnz
5. Grief is emotionally and physically exhausting. Find some distractions to help you recover from the waves of grief that come. Mindfulness websites and breathing relaxation can be helpful.
6. The experience of miscarriage for some women can lead to PTSD and depression. Seek professional support from your GP or a qualified counsellor if you or your support people are concerned.
7. Communicate what you need to those around you.
8. Take care of yourself. Sleeping, eating and exercise are disrupted during grief and trauma but these basic things can help you to feel better.    
9. Men and women grieve differently. Listen without judgment to each other’s experience. You do not have to feel the same way to understand each other.
10. Counselling can be enormously helpful to those who have suffered pregnancy loss.  It provides a safe place to actualize their loss and talk about their feelings and find strategies to cope.
11. For those supporting someone who has miscarried, do not minimise the loss. Miscarriage is the loss of a pregnancy and baby and is often devastating.

Types of miscarriage

• First-trimester miscarriage: Within the first 13 weeks.
• Anembyronic pregnancy: Also known as ‘blighted ovum’. A pregnancy in which the gestational sac continues to grow but the foetus doesn’t develop.
• Missed miscarriage: Where the miscarriage is diagnosed based on scans or other evidence, but there has been little or no bleeding or cramping.
• Molar pregnancy: A relatively rare condition caused by a chromosomal abnormality that causes pregnancy tissue to overgrow.
• Second-trimester miscarriage: A miscarriage that occurs between 13 and 20 weeks.
• Chemical pregnancy: a very early miscarriage, often undetected as the pregnancy loss may occur at around the same time as the woman’s period. These pregnancies are generally unconfirmed.   
• While not strictly a miscarriage, ectopic pregnancy (where the embryo grows outside the uterus) is also a cause of early pregnancy loss.
• Recurrent miscarriage: In New Zealand recurrent miscarriage is considered to be three or more consecutive miscarriages, or two late miscarriages, with all pregnancies by the same partner. Recurrent miscarriage is estimated to affect between two and three per cent of women.

Management of miscarriage
If a miscarriage begins unexpectedly, you are advised to seek medical help. You can speak to your GP, your midwife (if you have been formally registered), visit an urgent care or after-hours medical centre, or call Healthline on 0800 611 116. If the bleeding is heavy, you are advised to go to hospital urgently. You may need to call an ambulance.

Miscarriage support
Visit the Miscarriage Support website for more information.
You can also join the private Miscarriage Support Facebook group to chat to other women who have experienced miscarriage.

Thank you to everyone who has expressed support for changing Section 69 of The Holidays Act so that those who experience miscarriage are entitled to take bereavement leave. I have talked to a very supportive local MP who may submit this as a Members’ Bill. 

Along with gathering your support, I’ve also reached out to organisations:

• CTU (the Combined Trade Unions), the PSA and TEU, to hear what experiences their members have had in regards to The Holidays Act and to find out if they will lend support
• Sands Bereaved Parents network, who have indicated that they may support this initiative 
• Otago Community Law Office, who Parliament suggested contacting in order to find out whether or not people have made similar submissions in the past

I will wait a few weeks to hear back from these organisations and will keep you in the loop. In the meantime if you would like to lend your support please get in touch or comment at the bottom of this post. 

I have also written a letter for the publishers of The New Zealand Pregnancy Book asking for more information about miscarriage to be included in the upcoming new edition. Sands may also be interested in supporting the letter, which you can read here. 

I’ve been trying to get some action on both of these issues since December. What I’ve learned is that the wheels of bureaucracy turn slowly – and that just when you think you’ve found the right person to talk to, they tell you that the right person to talk to is someone else! 

I listened to a great Freakonomics podcast with Trevor Noah yesterday, in which he said that trying to make change when you're angry is not effective. It was a great reminder to take a deep breath and play the long game. 

I’ve also discovered that even submitting a Members’ Bill is no guarantee that anything will change. The Bill might not ever get heard in Parliament. At the very least though, it may influence further changes to the Holidays Act in the future. Based on the advice I’ve received, submitting a Members’ Bill seems to be the best way to proceed. I think it’s worth a shot!