Expanding our definition of bereavement

19/2/2017

There are five brochures about HIV in my local medical centre. Every year around 200 people in NZ will be diagnosed with HIV.
There are no brochures about miscarriage in my local medical centre. Every year around 20,000 women in NZ will experience miscarriage.

When I saw the brochure stand at my local medical centre I got really mad. It's great that there is information available on HIV, pregnancy, prostate checks and all sorts of other things. But there seems to be a cone of silence around miscarriage.

Unfortunately I suffered a miscarriage late last year. As a result of my experience I realised there is very little medical information about miscarriage available to women in New Zealand. And having a miscarriage doesn't even count as a reason to be bereaved under our Holidays Act!

I would like to use the power of the pen to change these things - and you can help.

Amending the Holidays Act
I've spoken to a local MP about amending the Holidays Act. She has suggested putting this forward as a private member's bill. But first I need some more support from other people. Have a read over my letter here, and if you agree that people who have suffered miscarriage should be able to take bereavement leave, drop me a line or leave a comment below. I'll include your comment and your initials in my next letter.

Providing more information to women
I have a lot of thoughts around this, but one simple thing we can do is advocate for more miscarriage information to be included in the NZ Pregnancy Book, which is soon to be updated. Have a read of my letter here, and if you agree that the country's leading book on pregnancy should also include information about miscarriage (an event that only occurs in women who are, duh, pregnant), get in touch (or leave a comment below) and I will include your initials in the letter to the publisher.

This is going to be slow going. I'm doing this around work, writing, maintaining my cat's social media presence... and I'm soon going to be running a Kickstarter crowd-funding campaign for my children's book. But I will post updates as I go, and I'd love to have your support.

Michelle Matheson

19/2/2017 03:24:51 pm

I support the amendment of the Holidays Act to include Bereavement Leave for women and their partners who have suffered a miscarriage.

Kathryn

19/2/2017 07:54:52 pm

Thanks Michelle

Linda goodwin

19/2/2017 07:41:28 pm

Having a miscarriage for me was losing a baby. It was a loss.I'm confused as to why bereavement leave doesn't include miscarriage and think it needs to change to include this.There is definitely not enough information around miscarriage unfortunately.

19/2/2017 07:55:17 pm

Thanks Linda

Shiralee

19/2/2017 08:11:48 pm

Well done 100% support I have had several and each time I have had to go back to work after it has been extremely hard as you not only had a miscarrage but lost your baby your body and minds takes a long time to overcome this loss. Not enough info on this and people aren't always sympathic as some people don't understand the sense of kids.

19/2/2017 08:19:28 pm

Thanks Shiralee

Sonia

19/2/2017 08:27:27 pm

The links aren't working for me but I support your amendment. It's absolutley worthy of bereavement leave and I'm surprised and disappointed it doesn't count.

19/2/2017 08:34:42 pm

Thanks Sonia. And thanks for letting me know about the links - I think I've fixed them now

Naomi

20/2/2017 08:23:38 pm

There is a definite lack of reputable information available around miscarriage and something so sensitive should not be left to advice from dodgy Internet forums. Carefully chosen words and advice from professionals are much needed when people are at their most fragile.

20/2/2017 10:06:10 pm

Thanks Naomi

Jennifer Gensch

19/2/2017 09:04:53 pm

While I haven't experienced this myself I have several friends who have and support for them in terms of bereavement leave and the availability of information and support would have made a huge difference.
I support the amendment of the Holidays Act to include Bereavement Leave for women and their partners who have suffered a miscarriage.

19/2/2017 09:22:34 pm

Thanks Jen xx

Anna Wallace (nee Dowson)

19/2/2017 09:45:12 pm

I suffered two miscarriages in 2016. You don't have to be Oprah to work out that it's tough going and creates a whole range of emotions. One of them clearly is grief. My employer was kind enough to grant me bereavement leave on both occasions to help me recover physically and mentally. I believe this should be available to all women and 100% support the suggested change to our Holidays Act.

20/2/2017 10:07:09 pm

Thanks for the great comment and sorry to hear your story xxx

Michelle Bunt

19/2/2017 11:12:08 pm

You know in counselling terms, a miscarriage is one of many types of 'disenfranchised grief'. What does this mean? It means it is a loss, just like the grief associated with a regular bereavement, but a loss that is not well recognised by society or talked about by society. Thus, there is a stigma associated to this type of loss which discriminates against those who are grieving and often prevents those affected from reaching out for help and support. It goes without saying that you have my support on this! I love your work and I love you! x

20/2/2017 10:07:59 pm

Thanks Michelle!

Kirsty-Emma Gray

19/2/2017 11:17:17 pm

This is a bereavement of not just the life lost but of the future hope as well. The ramifications of grief are real and very present for both parents. I believe this wholeheartedly should be available to all women and support the changes suggested to the Holidays Act.

21/2/2017 10:33:00 pm

Thanks K-E

Claire

20/2/2017 08:40:11 pm

Totally support this - have seen how this has impacted close friends and their partners - of course it should be considered a loss and bereavement leave applied - its a no brainer !

20/2/2017 10:08:23 pm

Thanks Claire

Sarah

20/2/2017 08:56:51 pm

Absolutely!! Miscarriage is such a taboo subject, unyet it happens to many of us! Definitely needs to be spoken about and families need to be supported appropriately. SM

20/2/2017 10:09:26 pm

Thanks Sarah

Nic

20/2/2017 10:28:23 pm

I support this 100% Grief is the only word to describe what my husband and I went through. A year later and it still hurts. It should be something we don't feel needs to be hidden from our employers. For me, I choose to say I had a gastro bug. It is bereavement, and it should be recognised as such...

20/2/2017 10:35:07 pm

Thanks Nic and sorry for your loss xx

20/2/2017 10:38:47 pm

Thank you, and I am sorry for yours x

Terri link

21/2/2017 06:55:09 am

After loosing 2 pregnancies last year (a single and twins) I support this fully. I used up all my sick leave and had to start on annual leave.
I agree bereavement should be an option for pregnancy losses

21/2/2017 10:34:10 pm

Thanks Terri and sorry to hear that xx

Klyne

22/2/2017 09:42:57 am

Phil Ryan

23/2/2017 10:47:36 pm

Makes sense...although its also sad that this has to be legislated. As an employer I would not hesitiate (and have not) to give my staff paid leave in times of need like this.

Its a shame there is not more empathy in business and more commitment in some staff!

26/2/2017 02:47:13 pm

Thanks Phil

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Expanding our definition of bereavement

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